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CLEWS’ VIEWS
Chichi, as in Chichicastenango

Excerpt from “Chichicastenango”
Xavier Cugat, 1937

My oldest, dearest friend, Dennis Brown, joined me for dinner at Washington, DC’s, Magic Gourd late last week. It’s in Foggy Bottom. Get off the metro, turn right, and go three blocks.  It’s worth the trip. Would be if it were twice as far. One of the advantages of old friends is that they can say what’s on their minds. And Dennis always does.

This time out, he told me he liked the first Clews’ Views – with reservations. His chief reservation was that he wanted to hear about not just countries, but locales; about places where he – and you – might actually consider resettling. Right down to the street address. His second reservation was that I hadn’t properly introduced myself. Of course, he was right. So, let me start with the Who; then I’ll get to the Where.

I’m a writer. I have been for nearly 40 years. I have written everything from a myriad of offshore articles like this to direct mail packages for American Express to speeches for members of the Senate to award-winning infomercials, like The Helicopter Lure (with my late friend, the great country comedian  Jerry Clower: “That there lure will throw a cravin’ on ‘em!”)

Nowadays, I confine myself to two types of writing, and two types only: politics and destinations. And they are as far apart as night is from day. I don’t want to belabor the point, so let’s just say that in politics, I try to help people escape their nightmares; with destinations, I try to help you find your dreams. We’ll leave it at that. Fair enough?

I assuaged their fears by telling them that Baltimore was the exact opposite of New York.  New York, at the time was known as a place you might want to visit, but wouldn’t want to live. The Baltimore of my youth was a place you would likely want to live, but wouldn’t want to visit. It’s all a matter of acquired tastes -- and understanding that true happiness is, after all, an inside job.

The same is largely true of the places I write about in Latin America. Sure, there are hundreds of venues throughout the Caribbean where anyone who enjoys fresh air, sandy beaches, and turquoise waters would want to spend a week, a month, or even a season in the sun. But, the destinations I want to share with you are the places where you might want to settle in, sit back, and enjoy the often quaint ambiance “till death do you part.”

They are destinations where you will want to ply your trade (particularly if you are fortunate enough to be able to “telecommute”) … raise your family, “far from the madding crowd” … or, as Byron wrote: “Come grow old with me/The best is yet to be/The last of life for which the first was made.”

Destinations like Orchid Bay, Belize, a growing community on the Chetumal Bay I once described as “Mayberry by the beach.” Destinations like Keyhole Bay on Roatan Island, Honduras, where you will be able to mix all of the amenities of the modern world with the tranquil ebb and flow of bygone days.

And destinations like bonita Chichicastenango (pronounced – forget it, just do as the natives do and call it “Chichi”), Guatemala, the small (population 15,000) village in the verdant western highlands that Lonely Planet simply calls “magical.” With its quaint cobblestone streets, red-tiled roofs, and gleaming white Iglesia de Santo Tomas gracing the town square, Chichi beckons you in with a spiritual air and bids you step back in time to enjoy the old anew.

Let me tell you more about it. Then, you decide for yourself whether it’s worth a look. The first question you would likely have is “How would I spend my time?” After all, we’re talking here about a move across the border, not a walk around the block. Well, if you are like thousands of the Chichi townspeople and hundreds more tourists, every Thursday and Sunday, you would wistfully wander its narrow streets and adjoining alleys for what Fodor’s calls “one of the world’s most famous markets.”

While that may be a bit of an overstatement, it’s not that far off. The Chichicastenango market features row after row of brightly colored stalls offering an unimaginable array of dazzling handmade items – not to mention fresh-picked produce and delectable cuisine. Music and mouth-watering aromas mingle in the spring-like air. And the locals will assure you that there is no better place on God’s good earth to be -- especially if you are absorbing it all from high atop the upper floor of the Centro Comercial building on the north side of the central plaza.

From December 14 through 21, you will want to set all else aside to take part in Chichi’s spectacular Fiesta de Santos Tomas.  Chichi, you will find, combines Mayan and Catholic religious cultures, and the Fiesta proudly features the best of both.

Live bands perform throughout. Clouds of incense fill the air. Traditional dances (Including the breathtaking Palo Volador, in which men swing perilously to the ground from a 20-meter pole) add a distinctive air of excitement. Fireworks boom. Colorful processions are the order of the day. And at the end of the Fiesta, all babies born the previous year are brought to the church for baptism.

Now, since I know that many, if not most, who consider relocating to the Caribbean come “for the waters,” as Rick told Captain Renault, let me hasten to say that there are no waters in Chichi. But, only miles away is a 130 square kilometer lake of such stunning beauty that Aldous Huxley described it as “touching the limit of permissibly picturesque.” Lake Atitlan, whose name translates “the place where the rainbow gets its color,” lies at the base of towering volcanic mountains and floats in the sky a mile above sea level. And, oh yes, if you bring along your Helicopter Lures, the bass angling is great, particularly after the spring spawn.

For those who wish to visit you in Chichicastenango – for the revelry of the Fiesta, the allure of the market, or the simple serenity of daily life – buses arrive from Guatemala City at the corner of 5 Calle and 5 Avenido on a continuing basis.  Should your guests wish to drive the 140 kilometers from the capital city, the modern Pan-American Highway will deliver them almost to Chichi’s doorstep.

Allow me to add here the caveat that life in Chichi is decidedly not for everyone. I have long categorized re-settlers into three distinct groups (on a rising scale of creature comforts): the Pioneers  (who don’t mind a little austerity), the Provincials (who expect all the modern amenities), and the Pampered (who consider Holiday Inn roughing it a bit).

Chichi at this point in time is essentially for the Pioneers. Thrill-seekers need not apply. Nor should those whose idea of a good time is the big city and bright lights. But, for two types of Pioneers, in particular, Chichi might be ideal, indeed.

The first are independent adventurers of any age who can work via the Internet and enjoy cutting their own swathe in life.  If you have children, the elementary and secondary schools are adequate, particularly if supplemented by homeschooling.

The second are self-contained Baby Boomer couples who have arrived at a point in life where their best friends are each other, and a handful of close acquaintances more than suffices. Jerry Seinfeld once remarked that by the time most people are 30, their friendship card is pretty well filled.  If that includes you, Chichi may be ch-chi enough to last you a lifetime.

Either group will find that they can live very well on $1,000, or so a month. That includes rent, utilities, eating in, dining out, maid service, and a gardener should you so desire. You can buy a few acres of land for a few thousand dollars outside of town. And you should be able to find a more than adequate abode in town for no more than $25,000 to $50,000.

The people of Chichicastenango are warm, friendly, and well-accustomed to foreigners, largely because of the large number of tourists who visit the weekly markets. Their deep religiosity is reflected not only in their own demeanor, but in their treatment of others, as well. In short, the Golden Rule reigns. There is virtually no crime; you can sleep with your doors and windows open to enjoy the cool, crisp evening breeze.

In the name of full disclosure, and in closing, allow me to add that I, myself, am currently considering property in or around Chichicastenango. It’s peaceful. It’s picturesque. It’s perfectly priced. And it’s a great place both to live and to visit. I think you’ll find it well worth the trip. As it would be were it twice as far.

See you next month…

AUTHOR : Carter L. Clews began his career in marketing as Director of Public Relations for the National Right to Work Committee in Washington, after which he became Director of Communications for the U.S. Senate Conference of the Majority. Following his years in Washington, Mr. Clews became Creative Director for Inphomation, Inc, the company responsible for several of the top infomercials in recent history, including Making Love Work, The Psychic Friends Network, and The Helicopter Lure. Mr. Clews has won numerous writing awards, including the Best Scriptwriter of the Year Award from the Electronic Retail Association. He now lives at Keyhole Bay on Roatan in the beautiful Bay Islands.

  Email : Carter Clews