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HOW TO FIND YOUR PARADISE – COMPARISON SHOP!
Part Two
by Jack Burns

In our previous installment we were still awaiting the arrival of our containers. Notice how we said container(s) meaning two—as neither the container with our worldly possessions nor our storage container arrived as planned. Paradise and being flexible go hand in hand….Here’s what happened!

We did complete the purchase for the 40 foot “storage” container and on Saturday, January 19th we had arranged for a "man and machine" (the machine being a large front end loader) to unload the container from the delivery truck so it would be ready when our household goods container arrived on Monday. Then…a simple transfer of our belongings would take place. What a great plan it was, eh!

Ruthie and I arrived at the property to discover that there is no ‘man and machine” to be seen so we questioned our cuiador (security man) as to the reason for the equipment absence and his reply was that --when the "man and machine" arrived it can only be assumed that the "machine" somehow, magically knew, how to get to our property by itself as the "man" was so drunk he couldn't operate the unit. This was at 7 o'clock in the morning. They had quickly sent him away—off the property to avoid a disaster.

Okay, then we decided to switch to---Plan B— always have several back up plans in mind for even the most seemingly easy operation.

The fellows plotted out Plan B as follows…. hire some other men to magically lower the container from its five 5 foot elevation (atop the truck), to the ground, without a forklift or crane!!!!  When we asked how they would do this they replied, “no problem!” Thinking that I must trust their recommendation and ability -- we agreed. We left the property and returned to David with high hopes for the morrow.

I PROMPTLY GAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO OUR CUIADOR TO PAY ANY OF THE MEN WHO WERE STILL ALIVE AFTER THE MAGIC ACT! 

Ruthie and I arrived back at the property the next day Sunday Jan. 20th (my birthday) just as the men were performing this "feat of magic" - and after watching for what felt like an eternity (in reality it was about 30 seconds, ) I informed Ruthie, "we've seen enough," and promptly gave enough money to our cuiador to pay any of the men who may were still alive after this magic act!  My big decision was to just go off and celebrate my birthday and attempt to forget the fiasco! Tomorrow is another day.  Good motto to live by in Paradise.

Monday, the 21st was the due date for the household goods to arrive at the property – not too bad, just two weeks late. The plan sounded simple enough to accomplish. You start by hiring a big, professional, American company to ship the stuff, and then hire a big, professional, Panamanian broker to clear the stuff and everything should be easy—right? Wrong!

Unfortunately, the big, professional companies missed a step! I received a panic phone call from our broker in Panama City saying that they required my passport---the original--so it could be stamped and this was required immediately. So then, I was to send my passport, without me attached to it -- via the local airline to Panama City-YIKES!!!!

Only those of you with knowledge of living or traveling in a foreign country-a really foreign country- WITHOUT a passport or, even allowing your passport out of your possession, would understand my concern at that request. However, if I wanted to see the container and our possessions I was to do as instructed. So I found myself handing over two dollars and my passport to the non-English speaking gentleman at the airline office as I bid a fond farewell to my passport!

The good news on that day was the confirmation that our goods were actually in Panama (Colon City) and would be arriving at our property on Tuesday at 7 A.M. ---yea, right! I returned Tuesday to the property and expected to see a series of wooden crosses decorating our container site (as a result of the prior Sunday's potential container unloading massacre), but was pleasantly surprised to find no markers-----that was a bonus!

We made a cursory inspection and informed our cuiador that the container with our goods would arrive the next day, Wednesday morning at 7 a.m., and to have a crew of young, strong (emphasis on strong) people available. I explained that the truck driver was driving through the night to at our property by 7 a.m. and that he would wait for the container to be emptied and then immediately drive back to Panama City, some 7 hours away. My cuiador replied, “no problem.”  I was beginning to really dislike the phrase as it always appeared to be a preamble for disaster.

The next day, Wednesday, Ruthie and I awoke very early so we could drive the 40 minute trek from the Hotel Puerta del Sol in David, where we were living, to our property to meet the truck. The container, loaded with our worldly possessions, contained many prized articles that could be reduced to land fill in a heartbeat if mishandled, so  we knew that our presence was an absolute must!

Arriving at the property some two minutes late, we were simultaneously informed (by phone), that the truck was going to be delayed - now there’s a surprise - as the truck driver had to stop in David to pick up the quarantine and customs inspectors and bring them to the property to inspect the unloading. Remembering my new mantra about "flexibility" I could do nothing but tell them, “no problem.” Of course, had we been informed we needed agents from David, we could have brought the agents along with us since we living in David, just a two minute drive from the agent’s office.

WELL, THE TRUCK FINALLY ARRIVED WITH OUR GOODS AND THE GOVERNMENT ENTOURAGE…AND SO THE REAL ‘PARTY’ BEGAN.

Well, the truck finally arrived with our goods and the government entourage ….and so the real "party" began.

Trying to gain entry to the container was a problem. The container was “sealed” for importation reasons and our government officials don’t have the tool to remove the special customs lock. They asked me, “do you have a hack saw?” Yes, I replied - it’s in the container! It is amazing what you can cut with a machete using only 15 minutes of time and a lot of sweat and profanities!

Opening the container door ever so slowly in anticipation of the goods falling on my head I was greeted with only a few unimportant projectiles. Securing the ensuing "wave of belongings" to allow the doors to be fully opened we breathed a sigh of relief to finally see our "stuff."

Our truck driver and the "Feds" took up their stance in the shade of the truck--never to be seen again! When we went looking for them we found them perched like kings on the first thing out of the container--our folding lawn chairs. At least the unloading in the heat of the day had the hidden benefit of chasing the inspectors away. We could have brought in anything!

A truly amazing feat soon revealed itself when we discovered that our goods from the packed twenty foot container were NOT going to fit into the forty foot container. This was a tribute to the genius of our hardworking, wonderful friends and neighbors, Bob, Gloria and their son, Bobby who had assisted me in the loading of the 20 foot container in Florida. To this day I’ve not figured out how they managed to pack a double load in to a single container!

We made an "executive decision" to set some of our stuff aside to allow us to put them into the big container later as we were on a time push to get the delivery truck unloaded quickly. Working slowly, we feared, would upset the inspectors and we definitely didn’t want to upset them! The driver and the "Feds" were okay as long as they were beside the container (in the shade) but I was worried that if they had to hide under the container to avoid the midday sun it may result in additional "taxes!"

Well, the long and the short of it was that all of our crap (it was no longer stuff) didn't fit into the 40 footer and we had some fairly valuable goods sitting in the middle of a field. It was time to invent Plan C.

Plan C involved hiring some MORE people (your are probably thinking that everyone in the village has been hired by now!) and to have a sleep-over beside our "crap" and then the next day hire still some more people (perhaps from the next village over) to build a fence around our outdoor display of personal wealth! To this Plan they all said, “No problem.” 

The good news (and there always seemed to be some good news) was that our project contractor came on the job site, organized the fencing, and we had a roof built covering the container plus an additional area beside it to provide shade for us while working on other "stuff." Unfortunately, our architect, as architects do, wanted to design something (this translates in all languages to “I want more $$$$”) – so my response was, "no way, we're in the middle of a jungle, can't we do something ‘jungle like?’”

Our contractor jumped in and said, “you can use bamboo-yes!” To which I agreed, “No problem.” In just two days we had a six foot fence creating a compound and a steel roof, supported by bamboo, covering our container. It looked great and the labor was very reasonable, although the fence and roof materials were $ 2,000---but, heck, the bamboo was free!

Our stuff (as I calm down it was no longer crap) was still scattered in our “new compound” and Ruthie's beautiful (and expensive) solid wood office furniture now served as a wonderful work bench. She was praying that the scratches would easily sand out so told her not to be overly upset because the scratches actually resembled Aztec carvings and wasn’t that kind of neat, don't you think, Honey? I can't print her reply!

Let’s switch our diary to current day….we have yet to find an apartment or a house to rent and this is causing some frustration, but we are continuing our search. Driving back and forth from David to the property each day is expensive and frustrating. To illustrate how frustrated we are, Ruthie actually was contemplating our container as an "abode" however, after sobering up, she changed her mind.

We can find lots of places to rent, but they are either too expensive, not to our standards (these standards, do not apply to the container) or are located in the wrong direction from Villa Davina. Additionally, they are usually not furnished or if they are, most people would be hesitant to "sleep" on some of the beds we have seen. The kitchens are basic at best and there is usually no hot water or appliances …some days the container is looking better and better…!

One place that we did find was satisfactory--actually, quite nice. The problem was that the current tenant could not decide when he was going to move out. When asked he said “this week, maybe next or possibly next month.”  In hindsight, I probably should have offered to pay his last month's rent, I think would have sealed a deal!  

We are going to see another house tomorrow and hopefully it will end up being suitable. If I don't get something BBQ'd soon--especially some chicken wings--I am going to kill someone! We really miss our evening ritual of grilling (to our liking) and taking it easy. Eating in restaurants on a regular basis—sucks and we can’t afford to continually buy more toasters!

Finally, in desperation for a place to live, we opted to buy a small piece of property that adjoins our other property. The purchase was not because the property had any real use to us, it is that it has a "casita" on it that can be fixed up and we can move into it. At least that is the plan. We purchased it three weeks ago and have only managed to take off the metal roof (to get rid of the bats), close in some openings, remove an interior wall, pour a small pad for our BBQ (I need some BBQ chicken wings ---now!) and along the way managed to have all of the electrical wiring stolen--including the plugs, switches and circuit breakers. Reminds us of Ft. Myers, Florida and the air conditioner thefts!

IT TOOK FROM JANUARY 7TH TO MAY 22ND TO FIND A PLACE TO LIVE. NOT BAD, EH? WELCOME TO PANAMA. PLEASE KEEP REMINDING YOURSELF TO BE FLEXIBLE.

Well, it is now May and we finally have our casita converted to a “livable” stage. Let’s see, it only took from January 7th to May 22nd to find a place to live. Not bad eh? Welcome to Panama. Please keep reminding yourself to be flexible.

Everything gets done—but in its own time! What would take a day in Canada or the U.S. could take 3 weeks here. Don’t confuse the meaning of mañana either as we now realize it does not mean tomorrow—it really means “not today.”

Still, after everything is said and done, the frustrations of moving and living vanish when something as simple as a walk down a street is converted into a joyous event, as you are greeted by friendly, warm hearted individuals.

I had one occasion where a total stranger stopped me as we passed by on the street and asked me (in English) how I was doing and if I needed any help. At first I was wondering if he was a wacko or axe murder, but then realized he wanted to practice his already very good English. We stood on the sidewalk and had a delightful chat for at least 20 minutes. When was the last time you even acknowledged eye contact, let alone talking, to a total stranger for a protracted period while walking down a street in an unfamiliar country? 

A real truth about one of the many attractions of Panama (at least in our minds) is the honest, warmhearted attitude of its people. I can’t say this is true for Panama City but, life in the smaller cities like David or the rural areas such as Bugaba or Gariche is a true delight.  I can only suggest that you come for a visit and see for yourself.

I suggest you pack your bags, jump on a plane, learn to relax and truly enjoy life. We did—and it’s the best choice we could have made. Now you know that our story is “to be continued” so check us out, see what we’re doing and follow our adventures by visiting our website or our continuing adventures on the magazine.

Or, if you wish, drop us an email and request that we add you to our newsletter mailing list or simply feel free to ask any questions that you may have about living in Panama.

We look forward to hearing from you.

Author : Jack Burns.  Jack is and always will be a dreamer, albeit one that turns the dreams into reality. True to his dreams and frustrated with a “normal” lifestyle, he and his partner Ruthie set out to chase their mutual dream of sailing the seas throughout the Caribbean in search of a better lifestyle and their own paradise on earth to retire to. After searching for 12 years, Ruthie and Jack discovered Panama and now live outside of David near the border of Costa Rica where they are building Villa Davina.  For more about this great duo, click on their website www.easyretirementliving.com.

Email : Jack Burns